Something more

I need a challenge. More than anything I am tired of the blithe and empty nihilism of interests and occupations. I am not interested in debate. Interest implies attention but not passion. It is concern without caring, without compassion. Interests cannot speak to what drives you, interests concern what occupies time. Interests are the choices that fill an inevitable progression of time towards something else. The idea of an interest presumes that there is an immutable force that structures our lives beyond the immediately accessible, and that we require something to fill the gaps it leaves. The word cannot capture passion, or investigation of self, or anything that should be compelling about life. I don’t want interests. I want life, I want experience I want a challenge, I want something that represents more than time that keeps passing, I want to realize my world as contingent, as what I make it, I want to avoid that neurosis of keeping up with a bigger clock.