Post from NYC

When I went to Georgia, I set out with a stable of tasks and habits I wanted to develop to get what I thought was the most out of my trip. I was leaving something entrenched, something I at least pretended to have a grasp on. Stepping away from home meant I embraced the things that let me feel independent – I focused on my interests and wrote less home (except for calling peteo which I did lots). I felt a sense of patience and calmness that let me wait out what I could see was a transition point. Now, coming to New York, I have a much different impression of myself and what going to school means. My original task, that I embraced in Georgia, of finding myself, I find nearly impossible to do in NYC. The streets I’m walking have been beaten out so many times before, in songs, in movies, and in general American pop-lore. Navigating a cacophony of humanity requires a steely competence that doesn’t wait, that already has a bearing on you and your appearance, and so demands a response. In a city where so many people live, coping strategies develop to sort out what you see in front of you: you identify styles and appearances, and potentially identify with particular adornment or gestures. The process develops visual communication in common between people, and that communication cannot be averted. That is the inevitability of style: you appear before someone else, sharing yourself irrevocably. You can be swept up and marginalized without even realizing it. I see this as one part of the urgency with which I want to approach living and learning in New York. The other part is the simple expedience of having only two years of school left. Instead of merely sticking to a path I know, I want to open more doors, and perhaps leave a few that way when I leave. Regardless, as a facet of the self critical stance I want to take with my time here, I have to remember I’m essentially on vacation. Until I get a job, I can’t say I’m making it or really living in New York.

Duncan